- PRESEASON POWER RANKINGS -

ETBL SEASON 4 POWER RANKINGS  (written by ‘MotorMouth’)

***The opinions expressed are solely my own and do not express the views or opinions of ETBL***

  1. WARRIORS (Season 3 Champs): Apparently Asok wasn’t good enough to be on the defending Champs squad and so GM Bahee booted his ass. Now what did Batman do?!?  He called the cops for help…well actually, he called Special Police Constable Thanujaan to help him try and repeat. But more than the Championship, I am more impressed with the friendship that Gautham(actual GM) and Bahee have built over the past few years as they both once used to be in rival Tamil gangs back in the 90s!.

  2. NUGGETS:  After choking hard in the finals last year, Ray adds a huge piece to the team by stealing Javan from GM Patrick (Ouch!).  Ray also has 3 black guys on his team…not sure how ‘Kisho Trump’ let this slide. Only Ting missing on this team from another loss in the finals is Glenn from his former squad.  Jokes aside, there is a reason why Ray consistently wins GM of The Year (2 out of 3 seasons). He is like that last piece of nugget that would never flush down the toilet no matter how many times you tried!  

  3. HORNETS:  GM Hari somehow negotiated Nishan and Asok to be on the same squad (not sure how ‘Kisho Trump’ let this slide). He basically picks up Asok from a homeless shelter after the Warriors abandoned him and also somehow added Sen to the roster.  Looks like Hari went through his R.H king Academy yearbook and added the class of 2000 to his roster.  All kidding aside, these guys have played together in the past and have set plays and "defensive schemes". Be Afraid Ray, this guy is coming after your GM trophy.

  4. BUCKS: I was really excited to watch these guys play especially with the addition of Chris DeSouza-Antetokounmpo and with the returning Vijith and Nishant to the squad. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, the Bucks will not be playing in the league this year. GM Annojh has apologized to the league for this inconvenience but he will not be getting his deposit back as per ‘Kisho Trump’. Had such high hopes for this team, too bad they won't be playing this year.

  5. PISTONS: Meet GM Sugee – Thirty-Four years old, fed up with life and the way things are going, he decides to join a bowling league on Sunday nights. Along the way, he gets introduced to Kris and Cameron and has a sudden change of heart. Then suddenly he turns savage and steals Manish from GM Suthan and now has the most hated team in ETBL without even playing a single game. Detroit What! Detroit What!

  6. SUNS: Jasinthan hijacked the Celtic ship, looked Jso in the eye and said…"Look at me, Look at me, I'm the Captain Now!” Moral of the story is Jasinthan >Jso and is now the fearless leader this team deserves. This league is still suffering from a trade Jso made to Warriors two seasons ago.  It was time for a much needed change. Team is alright too.  

  7. PACERS: With only a few days left until draft, GM Vimal looked like he did not give a f**k about ETBL or the draft. Suddenly within the last 2 days, he gets handed Akshay and Paolo as first and second round keepers. Vimal has a history of drafting a top heavy team which has lead him to first round playoff exits the last 3 seasons.  He actually has a well-rounded team this year with the addition of Komz and Big Country Andrew.  

  8. CAVALIERS: GM Sayon made a lot of noise with the "Ainkaran as a second rounder" controversy…but when you sit back and reflect on their team, they look like they enjoy eating cheeseburgers more than they like basketball. What I'm trying to say is they look like a slow ass team that lacks defence with the addition of Harrison.

  9. TIMBERWOLVES: Some odd exchange/trade happened between GM Suthan and GM Rahul and poof… just like that…Flash is on Rahul's team while Suthan ends up with Baki as his first rounder. Last year the Wolves were much better as Manveer was a sleeper pick in the 4th round compared to the 2nd round this year but can Baki save the endangering Timberwolves from the brink of existence? I doubt it.  

  10. HEAT: Based on the team GM Bilal drafted, he does not like Tamils. He also thinks all Tamils look alike as he couldn’t distinguish the players at the draft so he stuck to players he knew from the past and ended up with a decent squad. His team will be heavily dependent on his first round keeper, Milton, who is apparently a beast in the paint. However, I just don’t see the Heat as a top team as they are an aging squad who all appear to be past their prime.

  11. HAWKS: GM Patty has been through so much heartache and the season hasn't even started yet. His first round keeper was stolen by GM Ray (did I mention…ouch!). Then his own cousin Cameron refused to play on his team (ouch again!) and to make matters worse GM Sugee got to keep Cameron as a second rounder (triple ouch!)  Patty’s constant complaining and crying to ‘Kisho Trump’ didn’t help his situation and so he and the other loser GM’s started a GM Union group with the campaign "Make ETBL on Par again". They host meetings at Kornerstones Bar and Grill to drink and karaoke their sorrows away. GM Patrick did manage to draft a well-rounded team consisting of his friends as keepers in the middle/late rounds but not sufficient enough to be contenders.

  12. LAKERS: Not sure what Somi’s thought process was when he created this team. There are 3 guys on this squad (Uzi, Somi and Ragu) who are ball dominant players and don’t exactly play well off the ball. His only highlight was drafting Vinoth in the second round which he did via Skype as he had be in bed by 11pm. Somi also drafted Rogan Ananth who is the youngest player in the league which shows Somi is thinking long term with the Lakers franchise. However, Rogan looks like he is 2 years away from being 2 years away. 12th place in the power ranks is being generous. 

  13.  RAPTORS: We all know the stereotype that Asians can't drive. Well apparently, GM Chris's first round keeper Davy has landed in ETBL to prove us all Wong. Sources indicate that he will easily be the best Point Guard in the league that can dribble, shoot, distribute, help you with your math homework and yes…drive!!! GM Chris did draft a team consisting of all his friends and so I think he's just here for a good time…not a long time. In all fairness, I do not know most of the players on his team which has resulted in a lower ranking but I wish him and his boys the best of luck.  

  14. SIXERS: I asked GM Rahul why he didn’t just keep Flash to begin with instead of all this drama. He replied, "Soon you will understand". What a f**king idiot! No, I don’t fucking understand Rahul and so I'm ranking your team 14th. I really hope Flash can do more than just run fast because that would just be a waste of your first round pick. 

  15. MAGIC: GM Wilbert was the only one to who drafted an entire team. It appears he did have the opportunity to land some first rounder keepers such as Kris and Flash but I guess he just couldn’t close the deal. In all fairness, this is Wilbert's second season in the league and first year as GM which puts him at a disadvantage as he is not familiar with all the players and all the drama that comes with being a GM. We all look forward to your dance performance at the all-star halftime show.